The one who waits

Still waiting

2010-12-01T01:19:00.003+02:00

...And a couple of years later you learn that they're just myths.
Forgiveness is in fact a sort of acceptance. For me, at least. It does not hurt less. Passed time builds a distance... and once you look back you see more - THAT experience among others... focusing on one brings up the same feelings, looking at the bigger picture dilutes them just because there are many others. There is you. A strange puzzle made of pieces that make sense together and separate in the same time.

Am I better? I don't know... It's just me, only with a colder heart and with a better understanding of the others. Games are still played for fun, only this time instead of coming from learning about myself, the fun comes from evaluating others, from "predicting" reactions and watching them happening.. adjusting the results with every gesture. And it becomes easier each day. Or is this just an illusion?

Just a thought

2010-11-30T17:59:00.003+02:00

A funny thing that I noticed during all this time is that 85% of the trainings begin with "you know nothing!"
Now... If I am there, at least give me the credit of knowing that I don't know!

One Day For Human Rights

2008-12-10T00:06:00.009+02:00

I will start by going back 20 years ago.
Both me and my sister have a great relationship with our parents - and it has been so since we can remember.. however, I will just write about me now.

One of the nicest moments back then was when they came back home from work. Once all the 4 of us were home we would have lunch, and after that it was time for us kids to go out and play, or do homework and stuff like that. Now you can imagine every each of us had some story to tell, so we were talking this-and-that during lunch, and it was nice. There was however a moment that I did not like nor understood back then. Though we were having so much fun, at one point my parents were asking us to leave the room. We sometimes asked to stay with them, to continue our discussions but the answer was "no". With time it became a habit, it happened every day and they would stay together with the door closed, talking and talking - I was always wondering what they talk about and why we cannot be part of that. The "ritual" lasted usually about an hour, and the "official" excuse was the cigarette smoke, that's because they are both smokers. But sometimes we knew precisely they are not smoking.. just talking, on low voices..I have to admit that being curious as I am, sometimes I tried to listen to them through the closed door - nothing came out of that.
I can remember that It felt so awkward...

There was a time, almost 19 years ago, when the door did not close as before.. and it kept on being open and the voices stopped being so low..

Years later, talking during lunch - and afterwards - with my parents I asked about this. They both smiled and looked to each other, and then the explanation came:
We were kids.. kids speak, they usually don't know how to keep a secret safe. So the reason we were kept away was that they were afraid that we could say something that we might hear them talking about and that would harm us - as a family. I was surprised - "you could of trusted us, you know".. "yes, but we did not want to risk.. we both could of ended up having no jobs, or even worse.." And I was surprised.
I heard stories again and again about the way it was before '89. I have experienced some things that now seem to be somebody else's story - the bread that was sold to us on a daily ratio and nothing more.. same with the eggs, sugar, oil, flour, butter.. lines to get a kilogram of oranges that took hours.. lines to buy pencils, good clothes, meat.. and so on. It was the reality back then and since it was the only one I knew it seemed normal. My parents did a good job of keeping us away from their daily struggle. And from the ugly reality - sometimes exactly by not allowing us to listen them commenting or criticizing the regime, the stupid rules and restrictions, the masked lack of freedom..
The only real bad memory is that they could not speak freely - not even in front of me or my sister.

I look around now, from time to time and cannot believe that it is so easy.. I can speak my mind whichever way I want to. I have access to information. I am free to build my own way - it takes time, and effort, but still I can do it without being afraid something wrong would happen.

Some say it is harder.. And maybe it is.
There are ways of doing things - choosing your way freely, or being forced to follow others'. From time to time I hear older people saying "it was better before".. and then I look at them and I know - they were the corrupted ones back then, when kissing the right .. hand.. would assure you that you will have a decent Christmas dinner, or access to a foreign movie, or a fashion magazine.. all of these - and more simple things - were seen as a luxury back then. By kissing some other.. "hand".. you could obtain an apartment - BUT the apartments were state-owned.. we could only buy them starting with that moment I wrote about..
It was said that we have everything - and in fact we had nothing.
The handicapped were not helped.. the sick were not treated.. Orphans were kept in abominable conditions.. and still there are a few that miss those times.
I wondered why.. And now I know - because freedom comes with responsibility.
You have to work to have anything.
But you have the freedom to do it wherever you like.
You have the freedom to speak about it.
You have the freedom to change things, to decide who will lead your country, who will represent you.
And so many others...
I don't want to tell more stories about "back then", or to make any other comments..
I just know that If the option would have been mine I would of chosen the same..
So that today I could still say out loud and write: we are all entitled to these rights!
And it is the time to do something about it!

3, 2,1..

2008-12-07T22:08:00.003+02:00

I would never have the boldness to deny that I am probably the laziest person I know. Nor that I have a good healthy dose of selfishness. BUT whoever knows me knows that there are causes that make me gladly overpass the two wonderful 'qualities' I mentioned above..

This is one: http://www.onedayforhumanrights.com/

"See" you on the 10th of December!

And Home Again

2008-11-21T18:01:00.002+02:00

Well, I didn't write on Tuesday because I got home so tired that I could barely speak/write.. then Wednesday was a really busy day, yesterday quite the same, and.. here we are.
I am glad the visits stopped - at least for a while. A long one, I hope.
I won't write much now. I have to get a short sleep and then I'll leave to my parents' house. I will fill you up on the details either later on today, or the following days..

till then - It's Weekend! Yaaayy!

... and back again

2008-11-16T22:24:00.003+02:00

This time my stomach learned how a cocktail feels inside a shaker!

The flight started out ok, though it was quite foggy... soon we were in the sunshine and everything was nice, I read a bit from a newspaper, I translated sme shit.. and then the interesting part begun..
At one point we were flying between 2 thick cloud blankets.. hehe, it was weird and beautiful, clear air around, clouds up and down. And then... shaking time! It was the time when I realised how usefull the safety belts are - without mine I guess I would of bumped my head on the loggage container above. Nice!

I slept for about 4 hours when I arrived, I didn't feel too well and I said I will lay down for a while, and then I woke up and seen the time..

There was this students group on the plane, they were enthusiastic at the beggining and were chatting a lot.. When the turbulences started they went completely silent :)). And one old lady (who by the way was trying to get on the plane with 2 large luggages and when she was told she is not allowed se grabbed them and wouldn't let them go! :))) ) who had the very bad luck to be in the WC when the turbulences started.. she was kinda' green when se walked out.. :)))

Oh well.. this visit will be short. I'll go shopping tomorrow, I have a certain task, and then it will be tuesday, time to go home and STAY home for a log while, I hope!
Talk to you tomorrow!

The Visitor

2008-11-11T22:09:00.005+02:00

Last night here this round and only 2 more to come. Yey!

I forgot my hairbrush back home and this became an obsession... So I went shopping...
The rain did not stop, well, it was on and off, more on than off, the breaks were very short.. It got really cold when I was on the way to here and the wind was annoying as hell.. anyway, at the entrance in the villa as I was looking down trying to protect mu eyes I saw this cat. I guess it's the owner's cat because he came in, went up all the stairs and inside the apartment. Ok, I was calling him, ok, but still, he came quite fast.We had fun! I played with him (because it is a He cat) until he got realy tired and then went into my bed and fell asleep. Cutie!

Tomorrow I am waking late (At 8!) again. Yey! That means the time spent here will be shorter! I can't wait to get back home! I just hope that the storms will stop for the 2:35 hours it takes me to get home..

Soowwyyy

2008-11-11T00:53:00.003+02:00

Well, excuse me - actually today has been the best day here so far. So I guess I have nothing to write, mwahahaaa!

I slept very bad again, this damn bed is so soft I couldn't find a good position.. And I woke up late in the morning which resulted in a quick walk to the headquarters.. And since I am NOT a morning person that totally sucked. Not to mention the howling wind and the rain that wouldn't stop.. (no umbrella, of course! :) )
The trainer was anxious to start but I stopped things a half an hour later. "I need a cigarette and my coffee if you want me to act alive!" And there was the first break.
Not a lot later I resumed the training. The guys continued but I got into the stuff I came here for, like sales analysis, preliminary price discussions and the day stopped being boring! I guess somehow sales is in my blood.. it really woke me up!

Anyway, there was not much to do since the weather continues to be such a bitch.. I would of gone out to eat something, but then the guys preffered to buy stuff that we can cook here. So That's what we done: cooking. Then we ate. Then we went to sleep because we cooked good and we were hungry before and.. that's what we all felt.
Actually I played a bit, worked on a presentation, sent a few e-mails.. and here I am at 1 AM. But I will fall asleep soon, I can allready feel it.

Tomorrow I will leave at 8:50, yey! That means I can wake up at 8 which still gives me a good 7 hours sleep.

(for some reason I just started craving for a good chocolate and cream cake!!)

Ok then.. tell you more tomorrow. Ok?

The night is still young but I guess that's it for today

2008-11-09T18:39:00.006+02:00

back to the wonderful villa. This time I also picked a guy on the way to the taxi, a colleague from France. I was very amused of his reaction.. on the way here I started thinking that maybe I am too picky so I was careful not to influence him. too much, that is. Haha

"we live in that yellow building" -"oh.."
"what do you think?" - "umm.. i don't like it!"
"why?" - "is it correct to say it is unbeautiful?" - "no, but I totally understand you!- wait till you see the inside!"

Unfortunately this guy was just as dissapointed as I was. Life sucks.

Back to the trip.
The plane was quite empty. I mean the front seats were empty.. the flight attendants were very happy about this, at least they sat comfortably for the whole trip.
For some reason this flight seemed a lot longer than the previous ones. And it is strange, especially since it was 20 minutes shorter than planned. Maybe the empty seats are the reasons.

I had this discussion with dad on friday night, I told him about the troubles we had last time with the landing gear and he also explained me a few things about emergency procedures that pilots do.. I know about v1, v rotate, v2.. interesting things. At least now I lknow how to "read" what is going on around me. :)) this gives me the extra time to send that "I Love You" sms that I would send to my dear ones as the plane crushes. Haha!

The passengers were almost exclusively germans. I watched them also in the airport..
I especially enjoyed giving "the ugly look" to one of them who was just a couple of meters away from a trash can but still left his coke can under the seat. Uncivilized bastard!

The guy next to me was reading a strange book. Something with some explanations on the signs blah blah.. religious somehow, but a strange religion. I don't wanna get into it. He was so absorbed that at one point he was half across my chair. Thank you, my right elbow! :))) But the treat was the couple in front of me. The guy had pimples. The girl did not like them so she .. can you imagine? Of course the "extraction" action was taking place in the space between the seats.. I was trying not to look very curious at the neighbor's book, in front of me and..
on the left was this huge guy who asked for an extra belt since the regular one was far from fitting him.
Once he noticed he cannot use the table because there was not enough space between his huge belly and the chair he became very frustrated and I think seeing me watching him would of done no good.

I tried to sleep.. not eve the red wine I had had no effect, so.. i just sat there..

I asked the flight attendant how do I lean back my chair. She said it can't be done. I was on the row just in front of the emergency exit. yeey! And I told her that for some reason I was sitted on that place before, and another time on the last row, where also is not enough space to do that. I told her I will remember from now on to specifically mention that I don't want my seat neither on row 7 nor on 14. She looked at me and smiled. "they usually give these seats to the smallest people". Ok, I get it, but what about the fat guy? Haha, maybe it has some reason - he was alone there. Not that anyone else would of fitted in the seat next to him...

This time the driver was chinese. A funny one. Had no idea of english. But he spoke exactly as in the parodies. Haha!

I am alone here now, I sent the guys out for a walk. This gave me time to mess around with the heat controller.
Again a nailfile was a great help! I opened the damn box and found one extra switch and the acces to the dial you use to set the timing. As it was set, it was supposed to work only from 23:00 to 07:00, and the set temperature was 18 Celsius.
What about all day long at 24? Mwahahaaaaaaa
I have to remember to change it back tomorrow morning. Or the cheap landlady might find a way to bypass the programmer...

Ok.. now I have some work to do.
See ya!

PS - I forgot one thing. I decided to wear a specific pair of boots.. They have, each, 2 metal buckles .. they made me take them off at the airport.. THAT TOTALLY SUCKED!

Here I go again! (oh, nooooo!)

2008-11-09T12:33:00.002+02:00

Oh well.. round 2 is about to begin.
I got one half an hour early at the airport and after I had a short look in the duty free shops I came to the check-in gate. No problem till here (nothing interesting in the shops, by the way). The problem is here.. there is a flight leaving in about 10 mintes from the same terminal. To Madrid. Get it? There is this big crowd waiting in a thick line - well a very crowded line. Some of them are really funny - I cannot take pictures but you should see them.. Anyways. 13 more minutes till I should check in and I wonder how the heck they will finish their line in such a short time.
Haha!
This starts well... mwahahahaaaaa!
Maybe I should mention that I checked the weather. Of course the next 4 days it will rain cats and dogs there. Not to mention the temperature....
I wanna go hoooooooome!!!

Don't do that to yours

2008-11-02T22:42:00.002+02:00

This weekend has been totally crazy. And I am so tired that I instantly fell asleep once I layed on the couch.. for about 4 hours I guess.
I have been hearing last week the stupid commercial for an autumn fair that was about to last from Wednesday till Sunday. Hmm.. interesting.. I want to get some new shoes so this seemed a good opportunity to find something interesting. Ok.. so I planned to go there with my cousin. But let's start with the beginning.
I also had to drop my dad at the airport at 12 so we left my parents house at about 11:30. It was funny in fact because with the time being quite short I had to speed.. My parents always advice me to drive in the legal speed limit. I always say I do (yeah, yeah, lying is a sin, but still on Friday night when I was also tired as hell and hungry since all I had all day long was a coffee and a coke, was great that it took me just one hour to get there) but today it was clear that if I go legally he has no chance of being there in time (long story, the passengers he had to fly announced late that their jet will land one half an hour early than planned). So... haha! I had the biggest surprise when he told me that I drive very well. I guess he knew that, but still never saw me in this conjuncture. And he ususally goes like "there is a red light ahead" "there is a cuve in front" blah blah. It felt good.
Anyways, I got home at about 1. Enought time to go nd check out the fair. My cousin told mw that we will go together, so we left my place at about 3..
I never liked crowded places. I don't like being permanently in touch with strangers. I don't like moist air. And lack of fresh air. And extreme hot places. So.. guess what? That damn place had it all. It was definetly the worst experience I had with such things since the last Chrsitsmass shopping session. Horrible! After the first 5 metters I couldn't wait to allready get out :)))
No shoes, no nothing. Nothing interesting at all.. on the way back home we stopped and bought some pumpkin pie and some other sweets, we got home and ate.. One hour later I was laying on the couch sleeping.. Haha!
What amazed me was the quite big number of parents going in with their children. I was shocked! Even with toddlers.. How desperate has to be someone to drag the poor kid in such a hell?!... and WHY?!?! I felt really strange - I had to watch out my wallet, to avoid the others and to be carefull not to harm the kids that were below my sight.
:)) I guess one day I will tel you more about my opinion on such things, anyway. There were kids dragged by the hand, kids screaming and crying, kids yelling.. maybe this was supposed to be their halloween gift or what?!?! Pffft... UGLY!

Ok.. I think I feel a bit guilty I wrote almost nothing the last weeks. Not that I wrote anything interesting today but at least this post is just to clear my counscience.. haha!
See ya'!

These T-shirts are way too cool!

2008-10-26T02:20:00.002+03:00

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/link.php?id=enZhcmNvbGFjdQ==

I am still having a hard time choosing which ones to order.. tough!

I CANT' BELIEVE MY EYES!

2008-10-20T23:17:00.003+03:00

http://www.au-my.com/product.aspx?lang=English&product_id=31

No comments! Remember one of my previous posts? Well, this is the little brother of what I'd like to have!

Grrrrrrrrrr

Be carefull what you wish for...

2008-10-20T20:56:00.002+03:00

Oh well, I said I miss the crowd, didn't I? I got it! Haha!
I woke up late this morning.. the extra 5 minutes I almost always allow me to have turn into 1 hour in 85% of the cases. Today was no exception. I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked outside the building..
I cannot say it bothered me that much though. Didn't enjoy it either. I guess I felt .. umm.. normal?

Toto behaves nicer by each day that passes. I cannot believe how much it changed since day one. It is what I hoped, so I'm really happy about it.

Well.. that's about it for today.
Good luck with the interview, sis! I hope everything goes smoothly.

Talk to you soon!

HOME!

2008-10-18T01:01:00.002+03:00

finally!
rain, but comfortable
mom & dad
the always clean and nice smelling sheets
chicken & garlic sauce
beer
my own, clean and nice bathroom
warmth!

So.. I got to the airport and saw a big line for the Lufthansa airline.. a lot of check points.. stupid policemen who had no idea about what's going on, I asked a question and finally I answered myself ;).
Had a cigarette at the smoking place right outside the airport. 5 big ashtrays, and a lot of cigarette butts on the ground. That must have something to do with the culture? I saw that everywhere there though. The streets are dirtier than here.
Airplane, isle seat. Behind me an annoying woman who speaks loud.. At first I got mad but after that I remembered the german lady who was teaching something to her offspring.. the same loud tone, but a more annoying voice. That's life... At least I know all the gossip in her corporation - who sleeps with whom, who has a salary too big,.. stuff like hat. I don't know the company though..

I think there were some problems. The flight attendants received some bad news at one point, judging by their faces.. they calmed after the wheels (or whatever you like to call that, but I think you know what I mean) were out.
And then the bumpy landing... and the german idiot fuck who said to the guys he was with "Romanian airport!".. a few laughs followed.. I couldn't help it, so as soon I was sure I will be heard, I said it out loud "And a german pilot!!". They did not laugh anymore :))) I did! And I think I was right! Haha!

That's about it for now. I am very tired so I will sleep now. In my bed. It feels so good!

Day 5, yepeee

2008-10-16T22:38:00.004+03:00

You cannot imagine the courage it took to get a shower yesterday... Brrr... Anyway, the combination wet hair +cold room hasn't a nice result. I didn't feel 'nice' this morning. I felt my head 10 times bigger and heavy.. Hmmm.. After a fever episode I took 2 Coldrex. Now I'm fine.

Today was actually the busiest day. I finally got to learn the 'secrets' of the software I came to learn. I used it before so I basically knew it, but there were a few hints that I could only get by coming here. Haha! I know them now. Imagine I only got to open my laptop 2 times - once at noon (when I had to send some business-related important e-mails) and after I finished my 'exercises' - way ahead the others so that gave me some time. Good..

There was a storm - a big one - in the afternoon. It gave a different look to the city. I am happy I didn't regret not buying an umbrella, somehow the timing was perfect so I didn't go wet. heh!

Lunch with the trainers in the evening.. Now note: not always the local speciality is different from the food you know. And sometimes a big plate is a big plate. I asked for a local specific food. And I got a big plate, in the picture the pack of cigarettes is left near it so that there is a scale. The food was tasty this time, and the beer was really nice. I only had a glass, and after I got home I thought I would like to have another one. Too late. Not time for that - and that's because tomorrow I'M GOING HOME! YEEEEY!
I can't wait to sleep in one of my 2 beds. My back really got worse during these days, and the sleep was uncomfortable. Well, that's it, one more night and it's over - that is until the 9th of November when I am coming back here for 4 days, and then, a week later, for 3. I am seriously considering asking for another accommodation, anyway. At least for a warmer one!
Ok.. that's it for now. Talk to you tomorrow!

PS to day 4

2008-10-15T22:59:00.002+03:00

The fucking landlady turned off the heat again. It's 10C outside..
Stupid cheap idiot mf!

Day 4

2008-10-15T19:38:00.008+03:00

... and 2 more left.
Yesterday I went shopping. I was hungry - well, in fact I was craving for some fruits. I always have some in the evening and it looks I am already addicted. At least this is a good addiction - I hope ;).

Ok..

The town was a little more animated. Too many fat ugly teenagers, carrying at sight their phones with music playing. How lame is that?! I mean c'mon, do I really need to hear it? And hear what, anyway? There is some traffic so you can hardly distinguish the tune.. As I said, lame. I was smiling at one point and thought "hey, I have the same music on both my phones, I could carry one in each hand, therefore listening stereo! Hahahaaaa!" That would launch a new fashion, probably.
The thing I like is that until now nobody seemed to remark that I am foreigner. Until I spoke.. sometimes not even then - I had a little fun practicing my German.. Ok..
Not very many interesting store. Mmm.. rephrase that - none. I finally entered a H&M store. Probably their marketing department is quite active and takes care that the products fit the city. In this one I found one interesting blouse (which I bought, of course). If you ask me the rest of the clothes were designed especially for hip-hoppers, fat old ladies and joggers. Yes.
I especially looked for a tool store. Hahaha! Good joke.. strange though, with this being known as an industrial town... whatever.
getting back to food - I bought a shrimp sandwich. One small bun, in which there were a layer of cucumber, a layer of boiled egg and a few shrimps on top. And some sauce. with some herbs or something. No taste. Haha.. 2,4 Euros. 10 times the worth if you ask me....
Next: Currywurst. A grilled sausage, (good but too greasy if you ask me), cut in thick slices, with something that was fried onion with some sauce, and over it curry sauce and ketchup. Or ketchup with curry. Red, anyway. And again a bun. The bun was nice. Well, actually everything was nice. Too greasy but nice. They announced rain for today, so I thought I should get something in case I don't feel like going out.. So I enter this store. Right near the WurstKing where I bought the Currywurst from. They had all these sorts of salami and leberwursts and so on. I want something lighter.. there are these small transparent plastic boxes with something inside that looks like the quite familiar 'mushrooms with mayonnaise'. Hmmm.. that would do, also. So I ask the lady at the counter - 'what exactly is that'?. She understands and starts explaining - in German. hahaha .. I can't understand very much (which is strange since all day at the trainin I was translating from German, speaking 3 languages turned my head in a nice cube and the brain - whatever's left of - into an undefined but smooth something). She repeats something like 'Scmeltze'.. schmeltze... ahammm..... Ok, so I learn it comes in 3 forms - one I ca't remember, but one is with apple and one with 'krauter' - herbs. Ok... what can you mix with either apples or herbs? it can't be that bad. So I take the herbs one. And I grab half of black bread - the thing in the box is a paste, of course, you have to spread it onto something. Next, coke. 2 cans of coke. A bottle of 'river cola'. Hahaha! Well, I had a choice - either Turka Cola, or River Cola. None sound good but what can I do? I'd rather drink a river than a turk so the choice was easy. And then the fruits - grapes and Granny smith apples. Good enough, excellent actually. So that is the end of the shopping session.. Time to go to the moth smelling place. I couldn't wait to smoke a cigarette...

Ok. Do you know what schmeltze is? LARD. Oh yes. Lard. I spent 2,33 Euros on a small transparent plastic box of herbal LARD. :D :D :D

Today is raining. 15 minutes by foot to the office. On the shortest road according to Google Maps. What google maps don't show is the angle the road has comparing to the nice horizontal one. What about 35 degrees? When I got to the top of it I was cold and sweaty and breathing as a locomotive. And it started raining. Mein Gott, this was a bad morning! During the day I had 4 coffees. All the things thought at this training I know well and for a long time, but I had to be there, is part of the process. And at one point I was soooo sleeepyyyy... Haha!
Lunch was ok - the fries were ok, the pork meat was.. tasteless. The salad was good also. (yesterday at lunch we had fried stuff - fish fingers, shanghai chicken, chicken wings - yuck! - and so on, and creme brulee as a desert).
After the training I went again for a short walk downtown. I was looking for some boots - to get instead of the Harley Davidson ones I want to order from zappos. No luck. Just ugly shoes to match the ugly clothes you can find there. I didn't mind too much the rain, it was quite light. Actually I think I enjoyed it.. and that was it for today. I am going to take a short nap and then.. I don't know. I didn't turn on the TV since I got here. I never watch much back home neither so I guess that's no surprise. It's silent and boring (silent if you can ignore the plains heading for landing or taking off, whatever).

I hope tomorrow will be more interesting. Also, I am going out to lunch with the trainers. I hope they choose a good restaurant..

Oh... Saturday it's going to be a family reunion at mom&dad's. (small family reunion since there is some time left until 'the americans' come home). Barbecue and beer... I can't wait to go home!!!

day 3

2008-10-14T23:23:00.003+03:00

it sucks.
talk to you tomorrow.
over and out.. chhchhhchhhccchhhhhh

Day 2

2008-10-13T21:40:00.005+03:00

I slept BAD! The bed is too soft, so soft you sink into it.. My back got worse, so I took an Advil. Woke up at 6 my time - 5 theirs. Fell asleep again for a couple of times until I gave up. Got dressed, had some not-so-good coffee, and went down. At least this taxi driver was nicer. An older guy, he was waiting at 8:15, exactly the hour he was supposed to be here.
Nice headquarters, good coffee, boooooooooooooooring discusions and training stuff. Long day.. good enough lunch. Some sort of pasta and some sandwiches. One of the guys had something that looked exactly like raw grinded meet. I mean it didn't look like, it was! Hahahaaa! I chose a prosciuto crudo one. Not the same thing, I swear. Prosciuto crudo is processed a bit..
I did absolutely notihng interesting today. Came back to the apartment, tried to take a nap, couldn't do that. Talked to mom, talked to dad, talked to sis - still talking. Online.
8:55 their time and a big big full moon above my bed.. I bet I won't be able to sleep tonight, too. Are you in?

"me likes to travel"

2008-10-13T00:27:00.007+03:00

oh yes. I am am big fan of going to another places. I love staying in a hotel. Meeting new people...
So here we go. I have to spend a week in Velbert, a small industrial town close to Dusseldorf. I had a weird feeling about this from the beggining - in fact since I received the first "travelling in Germany for dummies" type questions. Ok...
I receive the instructions. A taxy will pick me up from the airport, and take me to the place I'll stay in. Again, another taxi will take me to the meeting place on Monday morning. And a map for the following days. It takes 22 minutes to walk to there. Grrrreat! I look on the map. Marked is the longer road to there. Doh. There are at least 2 other ways, half shorter. I'll study this tomorrow. Untill then.
Arrival at the airport. A strange little black-ish man holds a sign with my name. The taxi driver. I say i'm th client. He looks, says "follow me" or something like that and he goes. I carry the laptop backpack and a troller. Not even a sign that he would help me with that. We get to the car, I put the luggage in, get in the car. Tired already and my back starts hurting from the incomfortable position I had in the plane (note to myself, the next time I ask for a window seat I should mention "no on the last row!!") and from the troller that seems to have a problem since the arrival. Well, I saw another one, a metal-ish one that looked as if a train went over, so I guess I shouldn't complain, it definetly could e worse. "do you have the adress?" he mumbles. He looks indian, he speaks a weird english with both german and iniand accent. Nice... I tell the address. He mumbles again. Here we go. My god, I think this is the worst druver I ever been driven by! I feel like a bag of potatoes or so. I start to become nervous. We arrive by the time I was preparing to ask him wether he forgot he has a client in the car. ok. This time he takes the luggage off. And that's it. off he goes. Haha, lucky for him I am not the one paying for the trip..
now, the house. I saw it on the internet. I cannot say the pictures weren't taken here. They were. but they were very flattering, believe me..
The owner, a blond lady, takes me upstairs on a squeeky lather. "here it is". Hmmm.. the internet said 3 rooms, livingroom, kitchen, one bathroom with bathtub and shower, 2 separate toilets, balcony...
Kitchen, check. 3 bedrooms, check. one bathroom with stuff, check. balcony, check.
No livingroom. One of the bedrooms is biger and could be used as that but still has 2 unmade beds. Hmm.. an "old" smell can be felt. The floors are sticky. it is strange. I hate it. looks old, unattended, cheap. Yuck. And it was supposed to be 'bed and breakfast". Is it? The lady asks "would you like me to get you something for tomorrow morning?" what?!!? ammmm.... of course I would. I just look at her. "some coffee"... "ok". She brings it later, and some teaspoons and forks and stuff. I make a coffee. I try to pick a mug. They are not clean. YUCK! So i say ok, let's feel like home. And I wash up a mug, get a coffee and a cigarette. I hate it even more. I have a prioblem. I understand dust. I understand a dirty mug, if you just had coffee with it. I don't understand dirty mug considered to be cleaned. It makes me feel strange. not safe.
"on the internet it says you have wifi internet". "oh... " "do you?!" "oh.. yes.. i have to ask my daughter.. do you have a laptotp?" I am tempted to say "no, I carry the backpack witk the ThinkPad logo just to pretend". "yes". I had wifi 2 hours later or so. and then... went outside. To have dinner. 90% of the places are closed. &0% of the rest are "goffee and gelatteria". 90% pf the closed places are "doner kebab"/ HA! is this civilisation?
:))))
Finally there is this small place that was reccomended to me. Gloomy, crowded with furniture and old stuff. Alot of wich seems to be old parts of beer-making somethings. Guh..
The waiter comes "guten abend, bla bla bla" I say "hello!"
She looks at me a bit confused.. "drink?" "Beer please". ow I was excepcting a question or a list of the available sorts of beer. Mistake. She shows up with a glass smaller than the ones I use back home for water. That's a beer. Haha! Niiice.... then the menu. I will post some pictures. I am glad I managd to order exactly what I wanted. "What is this?" "oh.... schnitzel mit pilze" - thanks god I know that much - schnitzel with mushrooms. "And this"? Ohne pilze" Aham.,.. ok, the description in the booklet is a lot longer but I guess some basic info sould be enough. I go for te Cordon bleu. With "pomme frittes" -and salad. First comes the salad. big enough.. 10 minutes and 2 cigarettes later I asked ther as she was passing - "this is just the salad, right?" "yes, just salad, right".. I start eating since I got hungry wandering the streets looking for a place to eat.. and then she comez back carying the absolutely biggest plate I've ever seen in my life. My food. And good, too!
2 pieces of Cordon Bleu, as big as my palm - I know, I have a small palm but big for comparing with a Cordon Bleu. A huge 'mountain' of golden french fries.. and some curry sauce which I can't say I really understand what was for but I ate it with the fries anyway.
10 Euros. well, 9,30 and I was in a cheap disposition plus I didn't - don't - have any change. Ok.. time to go back at the wonderful apartment. And time to get shocked. It's 8:30. And the streets are empty.. the town looks a bit creepy.. I am glad to arrive at the place in one piece though I am quite sure the worst thing that could happen would be to get run over by a small biker kid. Or a skater.
The smell hasn't gone.. at least I can see the moon from my bed. I like this. Whew, I'm tired....

Hmm. I can't send the pics to my computer. I'll try again tomorrow. :) Till then!

Bring me chemicals, please!

2008-09-15T21:12:00.005+03:00

I guess I can say I admire whoever decides to live 'naturally'... no chemicals in the cosmetics, no chemicals in food.. no chemicals whatsoever. It takes courage and strength to resist to the wonderful and colorful world that years of experiments and hard work created out of all those things someone living a hundred years back would have never associated with food...

When it comes to me... Give me chemicals, please! I love colored food. I like that my soda takes a week to spoil. I love that a small colored pill takes away my pain - I never abuse it though, because I wouldn't want it to lose its miraculous power in time.. I love deodorants, shampoos and body creams that contain ingredients with alphanumerical names that guarantee you will look like 20 when you're 50, that your hair will never fall, that your nails will be as tough as steel.. I like to smell good, to feel good, and to eat tasty food.

Don't think I am crazy and I don't appreciate things done in good old fashion manner. I still cook - that is when I do - using the same recipes my grandmother did. And they are GREAT! I like the best the fresh tomatoes out of my mom's garden. I have absolutely whatsoever nothing against herbal tea. But come on, admit it - sometimes nothing compares to a bag of junk food eaten on the road (yeah, sometimes I eat while I drive) followed by a cold coke and a cigarette.

I even try to look sometimes on the labels to see whether what I buy has any dangerous stuff. But I never remember exactly which of the 'e's is the 'bad one'. And once I took that 'whatever in my hand is almost clear that I want it. Screw the 'e's!

Ok. I'm not quite sure I am very explicit now. Maybe I should just post the title..

Bring me chemicals, please! Mwahahahaaaaaa.....

The One Who Waits 3

2008-08-04T00:22:00.005+03:00

Only time can tell whether a victory is indeed one..
There are battles that you may win, and the victory is so sweet and long waited for that you don't take the time to see what you really won.. and what you lost..
So are mine.. And I am sitting, here and now, looking back and I realize that the price I paid for was sometimes too big for me to handle. To handle it now.
You learn how to be a part in a play, you know the prologue and how the epilogue must be like. You know the players and the play itself becomes alive step by step. You change with every minute. "You adapt" they say. "You evolve". "You grow up". And then, here it is - The End! Applause, please.. applause for changing so much that you can't go back to what you were. For confusing the truth with the lies you created so well that they started reflecting a parallel life, as credible and lifelike as the "real one".
The others... I sometimes wonder whether they realise what the play really was. "You will pretend you tell the truth and I will pretend I believe". This sounds fair enough..
But there is the unfair part too. WHAT IF....?
..i was smiling, sad, inside watching you bringing your little strategies to life, knowing so well that pretending I believe is just another way to lie to myself that I can do it...
...I could not say anything else than I said because I was so tired watching the effort it takes you to build the stage...

Have you ever even considered that my acceptance is only another play? The theme was playing a small god that knows all and sees the dangers, but allows things to happen because this is the only way to salvation, regardless of its form?
Can you imagine that, at one point, having the occasion to say over and over again "I told you so" became my burden, one so heavy that I cannot even breathe?

No.. you haven't.. And that is because you enjoy YOUR little victories not sitting and counting the losses.

But there is a time for everything. And your time has almost come...

Mwahahaaa

2008-08-01T23:46:00.002+03:00

I'm totally screwed! Peach season is out!
I had so many ideas.. all are forgotten for the moment.. pffft! I guess that's what happens when you don't have a computer at hand..
Well, things have changed. See ya' soon!

Looking For Answers Is Rather the Lock Than The Key!

2008-07-20T21:37:00.007+03:00

If asked I would without hesitation say that curiosity is one of the "engines" that brought humanity where it stands today. So yes, it can be considered a good thing.

Now this is about the "general curiosity".. What happens when I am trying to find answers to everything that brought ME where I stand today?
The very first question started the vicious cycle I'm in. Maybe because there is no way to determine the infinite variations that the human mind and soul can bring to a simple equation. It's like trying to solve a puzzle only not knowing the image it must show in the end.. You can guess, but that guessing is so subjective that you can find yourself so far from the truth that after trying and trying you can easily forget the initial motivation..

One needs answers. One needs answers from the other, but then the chance of the given ones to be real is also so small.. especially when they are given as to be a good subject for a possible book that the world would read someday.. I will never understand why it it so hard to be honest. (as a matter of fact this is one of THE questions!).
Maybe it is the most natural thing for somebody that spent a lot of energy trying to build a better image. And there we have one that lied so much to itself that started believing the lies.
"I am not stealing, this belongs to me, it always has!" - by which means it became yours?
"I did not lie, that was the truth, at that time.." - is truth that volatile?
"I am not cheating, I really love that person!" - really? Or pretending you love makes the whole process legitimate, or at least more.. moral, therefore allowing you to do it again and again, allowing you to go to bed with a near peaceful soul?

Simple theories.. nobody else can assume it knows what is the real universe of somebody's mind. And as I said, sometimes even the owner forgets the real boundaries. And it is so easy to forget THAT..

As I said.. I am swimming among thoughts that keep me awake at night. I am trying to understand which were the real triggers for the events that scarred me so deep that the marks are still bleeding. And any reasonable explanation I find is only the foundation for yet another tormenting question. I go round and round and round in circles, bigger or smaller, an always around the shortest question of them all - WHY?

What did I do wrong?
Where was that step wrongly taken?
What is the word said that shouldn't have been said, or when I forgot to say a word that I should of said?
What makes me less important than the other?
WHAT SHOULD I CHANGE? OR IS IT TOO LATE?

I really think that the sanest thing I could do is to try to forgive and forget. But once you enter this sick game I doubt there is an easy way out without any help..
Just closing the eyes won't make the monster disapear. Covering your ears won't make the music stop. And the relief is just temporary. At one point your hands get tired and you crave to take a peek, to listen for one second and there you are back again.

Ignorance is not a solution, it never is and never will. For any problem. I know it too well, still there are times when I try to get at least a little temporary comfort in being so. And there I realise I am not capable of doing it not even for a second.

...the good thing I noticed after years of struggle is that at one point the effort taken by it consumes so much energy that it keeps you away from doing so many other things.. so, in a way, it keeps you away from repeating.

Will I end up living only on the inside? Will this constant effort slowly drift me away from all the other realities? Or will it just consume me and turn me into a simple mechanic - like device that will continue existing, assuming the goals of the others, and doing only what is declared correct?
I don't want to become one of the grey ants I see everyday around me.
I want my inner rainbow back at its fullest colours.
I want back my naivity, my trust, my confidence and self esteem.

I want ME back!

Tadition vs. Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviour?!

2008-07-18T13:20:00.001+03:00

I was thinking the other day at some of my habits.. well, I don't know if calling them habits is 100% correct actually.

Knock on wood 3 times if you are thinking about something bad that you don't want to happen.
Any wood BUT the table!
Throw some salt over your shoulder if you see a black cat/say something in the same time with somebody else. OR walk 13 steps backwards if you see a black cat.
Wear something red to keep curses away. Or your underwear inside-out.

You might say "oh, yeah, and don't ever pass under a lather.".
I'd say "It's not the same thing!" I think there is a big difference, actually, between not doing something because "it's bad luck", and doing something rather awkward to avoid something else from happening.

{it started when I saw an episode of either Twilight Zone or the other series, called "Patterns". It was about a man that had all sorts of 'habits' - or gestures - that - he thought - kept the world functioning as we know it. of course in the movie they sedate him and everything goes bananas and that gave me a bit of.. confidence that I am not THAT crazy.. haha!}

Anyway, I was thinking about the origins of some of my gestures. And then it struck me - some of these 'traditions' are centuries - or maybe thousands of years - old. I guess one could say that they are the perfect proof that obsessive-compulsive behavior is as old as us rather than an invention of the latest years.. and that we do have the ability of taking over some of the others obsessions..

I did read this-and-that about this sort of behavior after I realized that I do have some slight symptoms. I do have my own habits, as I said above. I know them, I realize what is happening, so everything is under control. There are times when I am laughing at myself about this.
If you really come to think about it you realize that there is nothing real about it. That salt will do nothing to you, will not change anything about what should happen.

Where did all these things started?! Maybe somebody blamed a poor black cat for something bad. And then the phobia started. And later one somebody else invented the strange ritual either for the cat's sake, or maybe to bring some comfort to the unfortunate that crossed paths with the harmless animal?

If I lock the door after he leaves he is to come back because he forgot something and this will make him nervous. I never lock the door. Is it because the previous line? Do I really believe that? (the funny part is that I saw it happening, every goddamn time I locked the door he came back angry). Or this is just an excuse for me hating to see him leave, and feeling that locking the door hurts me in some way?
And there are so much more than this!

Maybe all of these are simply meant to make us believe that a simple gesture can change the ways of the world in a matter that will change our lives for good. But, if part of them are so old, and taken into consideration, why is so much around us so wrong?!

:) now the time I started writing this I had a lot more to debate.. of course as time passes the ideas change, or they fade.. I feel weird now and I wonder what else was there to write? Because I was visualising something like 3 pages wide.. Oh well. This is it.

Note to myself: If you don't write what you want to write the moment you feel like doing so, eat a big peach so the ideas won't fade! Mwahahahaaaaaa

In case you wondered...

2008-07-17T14:26:00.004+03:00

Here it is! Meet Toto!
We drove almost 100km together since the day before yesterday. Nothing fancy, just to the office and back. And can't wait for the first longer trip.
For the moment I am shocked by the amount of fuel it 'eats'.. but I hear it is normal for new cars. At least I hope it is, since if nothing happens in this respect I AM SCREWED!! :)))
Oh, I am being mean probably for not putting here a bigger or clearer picture. Just wanted to show that I finallty have it!
And you can guess which one it is. Difficult, isn't it?! :))
Oh, and by the way, when I parked I had no idea that I was going to take pictures!

I'm Counting Time by Cigarettes...

2008-07-06T17:41:00.003+03:00

..and the funny part is that I don't even know what I am waiting for.
So many wishes in so many years, so many possible directions. So many unkept promises I counted on. So many decisions I almost made, so many paths to follow that I feel I will never be able to decide: "This is the way! And this is how I'm going to do it because THIS IS WHO I AM!".

Or maybe there was once a path I chose. I can't place that moment in time but somehow I know it must of have happened. I am almost certain that, in that special moment, I looked around, balanced everything I found there and in my soul, stood up tall and decided: I AM THE ONE WHO WAITS! And then I forgot to set up what I will wait for..

Thank you!

2008-07-04T20:04:00.006+03:00

I really like Seinfeld. I saw the first cast here, and then a couple of re-runs. Of course I missed some episodes, however much I like a show I AM going to miss it if I have something better to do than watching Tv.
I especially enjoy the beginning lines, you know, when he talks about this - and - that. Usually there are 2 such speeches that I remember within fractions of seconds. There is the one about the socks in the washing machine. I laughed like crazy at that one, probably because he is sooo right - the damn socks seem to hide on purpose, and then reappear when you least expect it.. If pairing them fresh off the dryer you find out that one black sock is missing, you will definitely find it after the washing machine finished washing your whites. Goodbye white, hello grey! Or pink, or light blue :)). Ok.
The next one - and my all times favorite is the one about.. "I owe you one!".
Though I heard it before - again, my father was the one I first heard commenting about it.
"To say "thank you, I owe you one" is the worst reward. It means you acknowledge and accept that you owe somenthing, but somehow you never intend to make it even".
And there are the variations.
"I can't even imagine a way to pay you back" - too hard to make such a creative effort, be sure the intention will miraculously vanish in 30..20..10 seconds...0! And it's gone! If it's too hard to even imagine, it's impossible to find a way, so why bother?
"How could I ever repay you for this?" Riiight! Again, why bother? Ask a question, the chance of an answer is below 1%. No answer = no responsability, right? Of course, if you are unlucky and do get an answer, you can always reply" "ok, I owe you one!".
"Thank you so much, I will never forget this!". Aham. Do you wanna bet? Should I write down again the countdown? 30...20...10......
"Nobody else would of have done this for me!" Now this translated would sound like "geez', I'm so glad it's done, thanks God for dumbs like you".

I had and will always preffer a simple "thank you". Or nothing. No commitment, no praise, no goddamn ass kissing. What do you say? :))

The One Who Waits 2

2008-07-02T22:25:00.004+03:00

Sometimes I wonder whether I would do something different if it would be to start all over again. I don’t know.. The funny part is that what happened only proves that all the stories read when I was young were wrong. It is so easy to praise truth, love, honesty. Beautiful values, aren’t they? A young mind would easily assume that just following the pure paths is the answer. Speak no lie. Love with all your heart. Build strong, correct principles and follow them, and the only result can be success. You will earn respect, you will be always able to look the others in the eyes standing up straight.. No burdens will kneel you. Whoever will try to harm you will have no chance. Because you are ‘the good one’.

My father explained me once where ‘personality’ comes from. ‘Persona’ means mask.. so ‘personality’ represents the mask we wear in front of the others. I remember telling him that I must be somehow different from the others, then. Because I wear many masks.. there is the mask that I wear at home, around the loved ones – the lightest. There is a mask for friends, a little heavier because it must make me look stronger. And yet another ones for different sorts of people that I meet every day.

He smiled and told me that this is just the same for all of us.

So then I had no trouble building many other masks.. careful though not to stray from the values..

What good did it do? I look around and wonder..

I see all the others - The Liar, The Cheater, The Thief, The Easy.. Carrying their sins beneath the mask of a big smile... Or is it a mask? Maybe once you start getting used to carrying it, your dirty little secret becomes part of you, it becomes you until you actually feel no burden..

And then I look at me and wonder again.

Today's Wish

2008-07-01T11:17:00.007+03:00

Actually I've been thinking about this for a time now.
Let's build the context: I am driving each day at least one hour to work and another one back home.
I don't know whether this seems much to you, but for me it became a real nightmare.. Maybe because the same 'trip', during the night, would probably take me about 20 minutes. It's all about traffic. This is how it is and I seriously doubt it could change anytime soon. Everybody goes to work in the morning, and since there are just a couple of ways out of my neighborhood, the crowded streets are the logical consequence. Ok. So I was staying in line this morning, smoking a cigarette (I am trying to quit doing that while driving, but.. oh well, practically I wasn't driving :)) ). Maybe I should mention that my friend walked the distance from her place to where I was in 5 times less than it took me to drive there?). I was looking at the smart asses that were trying to jump the line by driving on the walkway, sort of amused - the revolt cured itself a long time ago, I am just looking - and not letting them get back in the line when they want to - sorry, but.. I am being correct, so should they. And I lack the kind of grace it would take to let them pass before me.
As I said, my friend walked to my car, so we were chatting about this-and-that. We get closer to the intersection.. There are 2 lanes, one for going to the right (as I do every morning) and one for the left. The streetlight is placed there for going to the left, if you want to go to the right you can do it as soon as the opportunity arrives.
The intersection is jammed. Green light. Horns. Loud and many.. we start talking about that - "what the heck do they get by doing that?! Nothing will change!". Red light. We advance half a meter. Green light. Horns. One is louder, I look over my shoulder - there is this one lady in a brown Skoda. She must of forgotten her hand on the damn horn. Red light. Silence. Green light.. AGAIN! "as if it's not enough that you have to stay here ans wait, you have to endure the rudeness of the others" my friend says.. My thoughts exactly! I am giving the lady "the look", the "ugly" one, a couple of times. Nothing changes. She is on the lane that goes left, so I can see why she is frustrated, the lane is blocked by the ones going to the right.. And then we pass. Big surprise? The lady turns right, too. I am passing. I could of let her pass before me.. Probably I would of if it wasn't for the damn horn - my ears are protesting yet..

And then, later, after yet other usual adventures (cabs cutting me off, other drivers that I still wonder where learned to drive, blah blah) I remember.

I would like to have a small gadget that could project messages on my rear window. A laser thingy, with a small keyboard that I could write on.
"you suck!!"
"swallow your horn!"
"you drive like an ass"
"suck my exhaustion pipe"
"I'll let you pass next time.. not!"
"ask your sugar daddy to buy you a driver too"
"flying a broomstick would be faster, so why don't you try it now, bitch!"

Actually the original repertoire is more colorful and diverse. Can't put it all here though..

This is what I'd like to have, for today.
It would be also nice to already have my car. I don't know why it takes so long by now, I became so anxious.. I want toto a.s.a.p. We'll see about the thingy later.

Summer!

2008-06-30T19:41:00.000+03:00

The One Who Waits

2008-06-30T13:26:00.003+03:00

You get this wound… it’s hurting more than you could have ever imagined. As if every inch of your body turned into pure pain.. You are astounded by its power, shocked when you realize it’s self-inflicted, and ashamed… because it’s secret, isn’t it?

So, crippled and reduced to what seems to be mere ashes of your soul you look for the power to move on. For the other’s sake. For keeping alive an image of what you were before. And because you, somehow, still find a bit of hope buried somewhere in you.

A plaster for the wound, please! A cover colored to match your appearance. To keep you safe from pity and questions. Because the power you gather keeps you ‘functioning’ but cannot supply the energy needed for justifications and endless repeating answers… from all the predators, curiosity is the most feared.

Day one.. numb but still walking and keeping a smile that will finally end up in hurting your face.. you know the sensation, you felt it before when keeping appearances and faking large smiles.. some say smile is therapeutic. Is it?! You just feel like a liar.. and this makes things worse.. but it works for the others.

Day two.. walking the hallway is like walking “the green mile” you red about once, a long time ago. Obsessive green mile..

Day three..

Day four…

Day five…

And so on and on.. and then one day you realize that THIS smile came by its self. It is here. Real. You have the courage to look at the faces around. You react. You react! Getting home.. turn on the tv and watch the drama.. and then the first tear in a long time makes it in your eyes. And then you cry. You tremble but still are amazed – you can feel!

Day 100… the sun is shining. The winter is here and its snow covers all the dirt. All is white, so white that you cannot keep your eyes open, but still you are trying and enjoying the cold bites of a mellow wind. And you like it!

Day 200… sunshine again.. you look behind and feel proud you survived, that you’ve actually made it. You’re sane. Maybe even a little happy. Above.

Day 300.. “I love you”.

Day 356 ……….. anniversary. You don’t want to think about it. This is the way you made it till here. The struggle to forget became stronger and stronger, taking over whatever else was there. You HAVE to forget! You have to forget! Never mind the stupid “calendar” your being is keeping. You are above.

Day 500.

A whisper. A dream. A smile. A pause in the conversation. An idea…

And you say to yourself “that wasn’t me. I am not weak. I am powerful. I am not unhappy. I am happy.”.. you look around proud of yourself and then.. a plaster?! What is this doing here? I think I remember something but.. it must have been something that surely disappeared. And I don’t like reminders. You take it off and the next moment you are 500 days back and worse. The cover keeping you safe from the others kept you away from your hurting self too. And the wound never healed. It grew, and it ate you bit by bit.. and that plaster was the only thing keeping bits of images and emotions together. And it’s gone.

Numb. “Emotionally unresponsive”. Not understanding. Not feeling. Hollow echoes of laughter burst from time to time. “I was above… Good joke!” “I can forgive and forget.. haha, rrrright!” Simple appreciations of your status. This is who I am. This is how I am and… I think I don’t like me”

PS

2008-06-23T22:13:00.001+03:00

The name of the blog has NOTHING to do with me waiting for the car!!
Just felt the need to say that, haha!

Car Trouble part 2

2008-06-23T21:02:00.007+03:00

'been lazy these days. As long as I have something to blame it on it's ok. Today.. let's take the heat.

So - The decision!

Of course a couple of thousands euros is an amount anyone would think well before spending..
So the balance was slowly leaning towards the black one. And then I start asking.. "what would you do?".
Mom says the black one is good enough.. dad looks at me and finally smiles - "you should buy the one you like most. " Again. We have 1-1. Grrrrreat!

Anca and Victor.
"tough choice! The red one sound really nice, but still, it's very expensive comparing to the other... " she says. "i don't know what to say.. Hey, sweety ( :) ), what do you think?". A short explanation follows and then the feed-back. "I'm cheap . I'd take the black one!"
Laughter. Silence.
"ESP reduced the number of accidents in US by 65%"
"Statistically speaking a red car gets more speeding tickets"
"Statistically speaking a red car has more chances of getting stolen"
"Having electrical windows for the back seats sure would be nice"

And then she says "If it were for me I'd get the black one. But since you're my sister and I care for your safety I advice you to get the red one. GET THE RED ONE".

The balance changes. I would like them to be safe too if they'd borrow my car while being here, and this is an option I seriously considered.

There is still one person that I'd appreciate getting an answer from. I could tell that he would avoid giving a straight advice but still I tried. I was a bit reserved but still I had to ask. And I was wrong. He did not avoid giving a straight answer, he "gracefully" gave NO answer. Later on he will tell me that he was sure about my choice. Of course I was sure he will be sure about my choice. He probably thought that I will go straight to choosing the 'red flashy immediately deliverable" one. :)) no matter the reasons were different, I still chose that one so.. no comments. I think I caught a bit of criticism in his voice when I declared my decision but he's smart enough to realize that once you're being asked to make an opinion and you deny it, criticism is out of line.
Paragraph closed. :))

Monday morning.
I talked to dad on Saturday and asked him to make a call to a car dealer in Brasov. Maybe what they have on stock will make my decision easier.
Call from dad..
A sales lady called him back. They have there a car in a wonderful color. (again red, but not an ordinary red, this color is different and wonderful and the car is equipped better than the other ones and the price is the same.
Short decision - we're going there to see it. 2 hours of driving to home, I pick up dad and there we go.. after 2 more hours we arrive in the old city. I am curious to see what I will feel when visiting again, after a few years, the town where I grew up, where I had so many friends, where I met my first love.. and the second..
The first shock was the town itself. As ordinary as any other town. No emotion, no feelings, no nothing. Just a town with grey apartment blocks, a tree here and there.. grey buildings, grey common people, wearing ugly clothes and bored faces. Slow people. Young ones sitting on benches, talking and smoking and spitting. Traffic. Frantic, and strange, the lanes have changed since my last visit and everything seemed a bit chaotic. Whatever...

The second shock is the car itself. It's just the same as the one I saw 2 days ago. The exact same car. I tell to the lady it's the same and she said the color is different but it's not. She tries to argue but I look at her and she gets quiet. I'm really not in the mood of being nice. My back started hurting for an hour by now, and I am worried about the trip back home. 4 more hours.

And then we leave... I am changing position over and over again.. (by the time I will get home the pain would be hardly bearable without some strong painkiller). and then it comes.

"It is going to be the red one, Dad. I have decided. "
"Very well! I totally understand you. I would have made the same choice if I were your age".

I feel at least a bit relieved. I am calling the car dealer I had the test drive with. The next day the documents were processed. And the next, the advance was paid. ject for now ;)
And now I am waiting for Toto. Until I will feel something else this is my cars name. Toto.

Well. I'm not very satisfied with this post. The subject is boring me already :))). Still, I needed to have a closure so here it is.

At least I closed the subject for now ;). Happy?

17.06 - Car Trouble

2008-06-16T22:02:00.001+03:00

So.. I'm getting a car. My first one.
It's going to be red. And quite nicely equipped. Once I decided the make, the configuration and the (of course!) color, the 'struggle' to get it begun. Of course, as always, as soon as I decided "I want that car, in black!", the black cars were gone. As well as that specific configuration issued for a Finnish company that had heated front seats and leather steering wheel and stuff. The more powerful and yet - surprisingly - cheaper version.
I was prepared anyways to get even the "expensive" one, so.. let's get it.

"I am going to buy a car".
"what car?"
"a #@$#@ car"
"oh!"
"Get a Skoda!"
"get a VW"
"get a Fiat"
"get a Logan"
"I want a #@$#@ car!!"
"you should at least look at fords"
"Opels are nice"
"a Matiz is easier to park"
"Renault has very good prices these days"
"Toyota has good and reliable cars"
"I want the f@#$*g #@$#@ car!!"

After I am searching for months the car-of-my-dreams (well, I wouldn't mind a Hummer but let's get real!) everyone thinks they know better what I should get.

Now this is about Saturday actually:

I'm taking mom and dad to see my new-car-to-be. Not that I'm depending on them - it is not an issue, at all - but somehow I wanted to see their reactions, and to get some support in taking the crazy decision of saying goodbye to random money-disastrous shopping sessions. And moderate ones too, in fact :))). Ok. Scheduled a drive test. After a meeting with the car dealer in our town (different from the one I spend my working days in).

9 AM. Opening hour. WOW! Right in the center of the display window there is this red car. Mom's reaction - That is gorgeous! Why don't you get it in red? Dad - Yeah, it is beautiful, Suits you too, better than black. You're a cheerful person, red is your color!
Mom's second reaction - What are you going to do with this monster? It's huge! Dad's - It IS quite wide actually...
I start opening the doors, testing the seats.. Great feeling! The lumbar support the driver seat has feels great (getting a car become almost mandatory when the back problems aggravated). I ask mom to get in the back seat. Enough room? Yeah, plenty of it! GOOD! The rest, I know. ABS, ESC, 6 airbags, electronically assisted direction, 109 HP for a 1,4 gas engine - the greatest power found for this engine, reasonable consumption, good audio system, air conditioning, electrically-actioned windows, and enough gadgets to make me feel great!

Let's look around.. a smaller version. Mom "get this one! It's small and cute!". Dad "probably eats less fuel too".
I like the big one. I want the big one. Black! Big and black!

No black.... Black is out of stock. Will be back in 2 months (what?!?! NO WAY! I want it yesterday!)
Red or white.
White is the new black they say. Yuck.
Red...........?

10:30 AM. Drive test. Surprise. They have only the diesel version for tests. 1,6 diesel should be close to 1,4 gas.. Ok. The lady from the showroom gets to the service station and .. Surprise no. 2. The diesel car has an almost empty tank. Grrrreat! No long drive.. just a few turns around the station. Good enough for me to tell whether I like it or not. I love the looks of it but still.
And off we gooooo! Speed, brakes, turns, park, turns, speed, brakes.. the last round, speed! I stop in front of mom and dad. The lady beside me is speechless. "I should park it where we I picked it from, right?".. silence... "I will" "Oh, sorry? Yeah.. it's not necessary..". Before she finishes the car is parked between a brand new black SUV and a big cement flower pot. She gets off. Relieved.
Mom's third reaction "get this one, is nice and smaller!" Mom, it's the same car! "no, it's smaller!" .. It's only the color... I show to her. She smiles. "it's really nice. And you really want it. You should get it. The red one looked really good! You should take that one!"

If they only had it in black.. quick research. Black won't be available, even for the cheaper version, for a while. Actually it's not sure they'll have it. Doh.

Red.

10:30 PM.
That f@#$*g car is f@#$*g expensive for me. Maybe I should get the cheaper one.

11:30 PM.
But it's GREAT! I'll take it!

12:30 AM
I will starve to death. OR have no money for the gas.

1:30 am
SO WHAT?
.......
...........
............
..............

Are you bored yet? 'cause there's more! Tomorrow!

The good thing about this blog is that I feel like I am telling someone the story. :)) And I don't really care if someone s actually reading. Still, feels nice...

15.06: Step 1 - accomplished!

2008-06-15T23:53:00.000+03:00

Start a blog! she said. :) I was thinking about this for some time by now, but I never did anything about it. Maybe because I have too many ideas sometimes, and none the others.
This is an "other". Well, at least I have created the page. Whether it's a good start or not .. time will tell. It would have been a lot funnier if today was the 13th of June, but I guess 15th will have to do it. "Round" enough.
Ok. Let's publish this and see how it works.