I will start by going back 20 years ago.
Both me and my sister have a great relationship with our parents - and it has been so since we can remember.. however, I will just write about me now.
One of the nicest moments back then was when they came back home from work. Once all the 4 of us were home we would have lunch, and after that it was time for us kids to go out and play, or do homework and stuff like that. Now you can imagine every each of us had some story to tell, so we were talking this-and-that during lunch, and it was nice. There was however a moment that I did not like nor understood back then. Though we were having so much fun, at one point my parents were asking us to leave the room. We sometimes asked to stay with them, to continue our discussions but the answer was "no". With time it became a habit, it happened every day and they would stay together with the door closed, talking and talking - I was always wondering what they talk about and why we cannot be part of that. The "ritual" lasted usually about an hour, and the "official" excuse was the cigarette smoke, that's because they are both smokers. But sometimes we knew precisely they are not smoking.. just talking, on low voices..I have to admit that being curious as I am, sometimes I tried to listen to them through the closed door - nothing came out of that.
I can remember that It felt so awkward...
There was a time, almost 19 years ago, when the door did not close as before.. and it kept on being open and the voices stopped being so low..
Years later, talking during lunch - and afterwards - with my parents I asked about this. They both smiled and looked to each other, and then the explanation came:
We were kids.. kids speak, they usually don't know how to keep a secret safe. So the reason we were kept away was that they were afraid that we could say something that we might hear them talking about and that would harm us - as a family. I was surprised - "you could of trusted us, you know".. "yes, but we did not want to risk.. we both could of ended up having no jobs, or even worse.." And I was surprised.
I heard stories again and again about the way it was before '89. I have experienced some things that now seem to be somebody else's story - the bread that was sold to us on a daily ratio and nothing more.. same with the eggs, sugar, oil, flour, butter.. lines to get a kilogram of oranges that took hours.. lines to buy pencils, good clothes, meat.. and so on. It was the reality back then and since it was the only one I knew it seemed normal. My parents did a good job of keeping us away from their daily struggle. And from the ugly reality - sometimes exactly by not allowing us to listen them commenting or criticizing the regime, the stupid rules and restrictions, the masked lack of freedom..
The only real bad memory is that they could not speak freely - not even in front of me or my sister.
I look around now, from time to time and cannot believe that it is so easy.. I can speak my mind whichever way I want to. I have access to information. I am free to build my own way - it takes time, and effort, but still I can do it without being afraid something wrong would happen.
Some say it is harder.. And maybe it is.
There are ways of doing things - choosing your way freely, or being forced to follow others'. From time to time I hear older people saying "it was better before".. and then I look at them and I know - they were the corrupted ones back then, when kissing the right .. hand.. would assure you that you will have a decent Christmas dinner, or access to a foreign movie, or a fashion magazine.. all of these - and more simple things - were seen as a luxury back then. By kissing some other.. "hand".. you could obtain an apartment - BUT the apartments were state-owned.. we could only buy them starting with that moment I wrote about..
It was said that we have everything - and in fact we had nothing.
The handicapped were not helped.. the sick were not treated.. Orphans were kept in abominable conditions.. and still there are a few that miss those times.
I wondered why.. And now I know - because freedom comes with responsibility.
You have to work to have anything.
But you have the freedom to do it wherever you like.
You have the freedom to speak about it.
You have the freedom to change things, to decide who will lead your country, who will represent you.
And so many others...
I don't want to tell more stories about "back then", or to make any other comments..
I just know that If the option would have been mine I would of chosen the same..
So that today I could still say out loud and write: we are all entitled to these rights!
And it is the time to do something about it!
Both me and my sister have a great relationship with our parents - and it has been so since we can remember.. however, I will just write about me now.
One of the nicest moments back then was when they came back home from work. Once all the 4 of us were home we would have lunch, and after that it was time for us kids to go out and play, or do homework and stuff like that. Now you can imagine every each of us had some story to tell, so we were talking this-and-that during lunch, and it was nice. There was however a moment that I did not like nor understood back then. Though we were having so much fun, at one point my parents were asking us to leave the room. We sometimes asked to stay with them, to continue our discussions but the answer was "no". With time it became a habit, it happened every day and they would stay together with the door closed, talking and talking - I was always wondering what they talk about and why we cannot be part of that. The "ritual" lasted usually about an hour, and the "official" excuse was the cigarette smoke, that's because they are both smokers. But sometimes we knew precisely they are not smoking.. just talking, on low voices..I have to admit that being curious as I am, sometimes I tried to listen to them through the closed door - nothing came out of that.
I can remember that It felt so awkward...
There was a time, almost 19 years ago, when the door did not close as before.. and it kept on being open and the voices stopped being so low..
Years later, talking during lunch - and afterwards - with my parents I asked about this. They both smiled and looked to each other, and then the explanation came:
We were kids.. kids speak, they usually don't know how to keep a secret safe. So the reason we were kept away was that they were afraid that we could say something that we might hear them talking about and that would harm us - as a family. I was surprised - "you could of trusted us, you know".. "yes, but we did not want to risk.. we both could of ended up having no jobs, or even worse.." And I was surprised.
I heard stories again and again about the way it was before '89. I have experienced some things that now seem to be somebody else's story - the bread that was sold to us on a daily ratio and nothing more.. same with the eggs, sugar, oil, flour, butter.. lines to get a kilogram of oranges that took hours.. lines to buy pencils, good clothes, meat.. and so on. It was the reality back then and since it was the only one I knew it seemed normal. My parents did a good job of keeping us away from their daily struggle. And from the ugly reality - sometimes exactly by not allowing us to listen them commenting or criticizing the regime, the stupid rules and restrictions, the masked lack of freedom..
The only real bad memory is that they could not speak freely - not even in front of me or my sister.
I look around now, from time to time and cannot believe that it is so easy.. I can speak my mind whichever way I want to. I have access to information. I am free to build my own way - it takes time, and effort, but still I can do it without being afraid something wrong would happen.
Some say it is harder.. And maybe it is.
There are ways of doing things - choosing your way freely, or being forced to follow others'. From time to time I hear older people saying "it was better before".. and then I look at them and I know - they were the corrupted ones back then, when kissing the right .. hand.. would assure you that you will have a decent Christmas dinner, or access to a foreign movie, or a fashion magazine.. all of these - and more simple things - were seen as a luxury back then. By kissing some other.. "hand".. you could obtain an apartment - BUT the apartments were state-owned.. we could only buy them starting with that moment I wrote about..
It was said that we have everything - and in fact we had nothing.
The handicapped were not helped.. the sick were not treated.. Orphans were kept in abominable conditions.. and still there are a few that miss those times.
I wondered why.. And now I know - because freedom comes with responsibility.
You have to work to have anything.
But you have the freedom to do it wherever you like.
You have the freedom to speak about it.
You have the freedom to change things, to decide who will lead your country, who will represent you.
And so many others...
I don't want to tell more stories about "back then", or to make any other comments..
I just know that If the option would have been mine I would of chosen the same..
So that today I could still say out loud and write: we are all entitled to these rights!
And it is the time to do something about it!
Paula - thank you for your post about life in Romania before 1989. I'd heard some stories from Anca, but seeing it in such detail in print really brings it home. Your parents and many others were heroes to keep the heartache from you and protect you through all the strife. Here's hoping freedom comes to children around the world! Support Human Rights.
ReplyDelete:) thank you!
ReplyDeleteI had a hard time thinking what to post about, since there are so many things to talk about when it comes to Human Rights.. I decided yesterday that it might be a good idea to use this personal experience.
I just wish more people would do something about it. I am very glad though that there are some Romanians on the list too. There are some familiar names ;)