02/07/2008

The One Who Waits 2

Sometimes I wonder whether I would do something different if it would be to start all over again. I don’t know.. The funny part is that what happened only proves that all the stories read when I was young were wrong. It is so easy to praise truth, love, honesty. Beautiful values, aren’t they? A young mind would easily assume that just following the pure paths is the answer. Speak no lie. Love with all your heart. Build strong, correct principles and follow them, and the only result can be success. You will earn respect, you will be always able to look the others in the eyes standing up straight.. No burdens will kneel you. Whoever will try to harm you will have no chance. Because you are ‘the good one’.

My father explained me once where ‘personality’ comes from. ‘Persona’ means mask.. so ‘personality’ represents the mask we wear in front of the others. I remember telling him that I must be somehow different from the others, then. Because I wear many masks.. there is the mask that I wear at home, around the loved ones – the lightest. There is a mask for friends, a little heavier because it must make me look stronger. And yet another ones for different sorts of people that I meet every day.

He smiled and told me that this is just the same for all of us.

So then I had no trouble building many other masks.. careful though not to stray from the values..

What good did it do? I look around and wonder..

I see all the others - The Liar, The Cheater, The Thief, The Easy.. Carrying their sins beneath the mask of a big smile... Or is it a mask? Maybe once you start getting used to carrying it, your dirty little secret becomes part of you, it becomes you until you actually feel no burden..

And then I look at me and wonder again.

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